OK, so lately I have something happening inside of me that I'm not used to. It's a strange feeling...what is happening to me? It's really weird and I hope that I can figure out how I'm supposed to wrangle it day to day...because I don't plan on letting it go...if I can help it.
I'm talking about that elusive feeling that I have only tasted for short periods of time, flipping end-over-end when it was quickly pulled out from under me like when you try that cool trick on a table full of dishes.
Self-confidence.
Dare I even mention it? I mean, as a Christian our strength comes from God...not from self. Ok, so I'll call it confidence. God is powerful and he has shared that power with his children throughout time. Why not me?
Lately, I have felt differently. I know that bad things are going to happen, but I don't...care...no that isn't the right word...I know that between God, me and my wife we are going to get through it.
But, that's just the icing of the cake. All my life I have been frozen with the fear of what others will think of me. Do they like me? Did I just make them uncomfortable? Never offend (at least not on purpose), never oppose, just go with the flow. Somehow, that's just not cutting it anymore. I watched my mother do that her whole life and what did it get her? I was a chameleon. You could tell what I was going to do by looking around and seeing what everyone else is doing.
This infusion of confidence has been hard to handle. I can say with a bit of certainty that it's gotten me into a few "tense moments" at work because I have decided not to just say..."whatever".
I have to figure out how to tame this beast, but not put him down...ride him?
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