Monday, August 21, 2006


OK, so I'm 40-something... I don't particularly feel old, but I'm starting to understand a bit about my own limitations.

It turns out I'm a geek. Now, that's not such a bad thing it's just who I am. Luckily, I'm not a nerd. (You know the difference between a "geek" and a "nerd"? A "geek" actually gets things done) This realization is starting to help me to feel OK with what I can't do.

For example, I know now that I will never be a wide receiver in the NFL (too bad, that would have really been cool). It is very unlikely that I will ever be the CEO of a fortune 500 company. I won't walk on the Moon, climb Mt. Everest or star in a major motion picture. These are all things that were long shots anyway...they don't bother me so much (although, it would have REALLY been cool to catch just one pass...).

However, the part that's starting to wear on me are the little things. I push and push to do something or to be a certain way and mostly what I get is resistance, disappointment..."maybe next time". I want very much to have a release for a side of me that I know is there, one that is...uplifting. I want to share a part of me that is screaming to get out, but there is little or no platform for it to manifest itself. Maybe I overestimate my abilities? Maybe I just need to stick with what I do best...stare at a computer screen and write code that makes it do things that others need so they can be productive.

Problem is...a computer doesn't have feelings or a soul. It doesn't talk back or lift up, it just takes what you give it and spits it back out.

Maybe I'm just a big fish from a little pond that got picked up, and moved to a really big pond...with really big fish...

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"...Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:7-18