I want to share this story, but I'm going to be vague with the details because it's just plain embarrassing.
OK, so I'm in deep again. I have worked myself into a situation that I just don't have any answers for and I know I'm running out of time. The weight of this is about to break me. Yesterday I was walking around in a fog, it was all I could do to go on with the the busy Sunday in front of me without falling down and losing it. My mind was very occupied with this problem. All day, I was praying to God, but often my heart was not in it because I felt I have disappointed him again...why should he help me out AGAIN? But, I pitifully asked again and again.
Yesterday afternoon I had a 3 hour practice for the upcoming Christmas concert at my new Church. I welcomed the opportunity to try to forget this and get it of my mind for a bit. However, during the practice my mind would occasionally wander back into the pit and my spirits would descend....
A couple hours into the practice I had to be out in the pews waiting for something on stage and my mind wandered again...actually it just collapsed and so did I into a pew and just laid down for a bit trying to squelch this depression. I went to God again, "I'm out of options, I need you to figure this out for me...please". I was just laying there and on my phone I get a text message from my wife, three words... "[they]
I was wrong...again.
When the practice was over I called my wife and she gave me the number and the name to call. I called. The man that answers tells me that he has some options for me and the he wants to help me through this....
As I'm driving, I just about pulled off the road as I told him that he was my new "hero". I have since talked to this new "hero" a couple times and we are going to work this out and I believe things will be much better than before.
He did it again. Why do I doubt? Why do I allow myself to get all worked up and allow it to negatively affect my life? HE IS ALWAYS IN CONTROL!
"But you are a shield around me, O LORD; you bestow glory on me and lift
up my head. To the LORD I cry aloud, and he answers me from his holy
hill...I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me."
Lord, forgive me for being stupid and not trusting in you.