The Rabbit Hole

"This is your last chance. After this, there is no going back.
You take the blue pill and the story ends. You wake in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe.

You take the red pill and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.

Remember that all I am offering is the truth.
Nothing more."

"The Matrix"

"After this, there is no going back"... If you have seen the Matrix, you realize that once you leave it, that you can't just go back. Besides, why would you? In this fictional world, why would you go back after you know the truth about where you have been? It's not so much that where you are is Nirvana, but now you feel like you are where you are supposed to be, so why would you go back?

I've considered this many times in the last few months. Knowing what I know now, what would I do if I were faced with a decision to "go back". There was a time when I would have ran back as quickly as possible, but now I know a little more of the picture. I am seeing the world through my eyes, less hindered by filters that have been there for years. I can see.

Not unlike Neo in "The Matrix", when I first started looking around without the filters on, it hurt.

NEO
"Why do my eyes hurt?"

MORPHEUS
"You've never used them before."

Now, I ask myself. Am I a Christian or am I a part of "The Church of Christ"? The answer is liberating... I am a Christian...only. I am no longer bound by a name, by a group of people, but free to worship God as a follower of his son. Now the options are wider.

I have often dicussed my feelings about instrumental music in the worship service and I have always said that I feel that ACapella music is the best way. I still have a predelection to ACapella music, but now there's something else rolling around in my head. I have been searching for a group of people that worship God with an open heart, that love and accept visitors, that worship more dynamically (meaning that worship is not rote and memorized and cannot be merely viewed but must be participated). Maybe instrumental music is just part of that package, maybe it's VERY DIFFICULT (not impossible) to do this without it.

I'm not saying that you can't have a "dynamic" worship and congregation without instumental music, what I am saying is that having it allows you to have more people involved in it and more options available to you. That snowballs and as the momentum of more involvement grows and grows you end up with something you couldn't do before.

In my humble opinion, using instrumental music in the worship would be just one of the many tools available to have an engaging, participatory, vertical worship service. Just as "ACapella Churches of Christ" lean on that ACappella worship, I sometimes wonder if "Instrumental Churches of Christ" lean on instrumental music too much. There is a lot to be said for the quiet reflection of a single voice or group. On the other hand, I have noticed that good instrumental music in a worship can give great flow and help create mood.

For me, the bottom line is that I'm really not sure I could go back, now that I have "taken the pill" and opened my eyes. I know I couldn't go back to ritual and rote, I have plunged into the rabbit hole...

Moving On...

Oh you know I did it
It's over and I feel fine
Nothing you could say is gonna change my mind
Waiting and I wait at the longest night
Nothing like the taste to sweet decline

I was down, I fell, I fell so fast
Dropping like the grains in an hourglass
Never say forever cause nothing last
Dancing with the thorns of my buried past

Nevermind there's nothing I can do
Bet your life there's something killing you

It's a shame we have to die my dear
No ones getting out of here, alive
This time

What a way to go, they have no fear
No ones getting out of here, alive
This time

Finished, I'm getting you off my chest
Made you come clean in a dirty dress
A promise is a promise you kept in check
Heart across a heart that beats it's best

Take a good hard look for the very last time
The very last one in a very long line
Only took a second to say goodbye
Then the pleasure 'bout the pleasure's
been mine, all mine

"DOA", Foo Fighters

"O Absalom, my son, my son!"

The king was shaken. He went up to the room over the gateway and wept. As he went, he said: "O my son Absalom! My son, my son Absalom! If only I had died instead of you—O Absalom, my son, my son!" 2 Samuel 18:33

Absalom, David's son, had tried to overthrow him...tried to kill him. To say that Absalom had disappointed David would be a real understatement. I can only imagine the torment David was going through, how angry he must have been...and how guilty he must have felt for being angry with his son. Even in the end, he did not want Absalom...his "enemy" to be hurt (let alone killed). Even Joab knew this, he tried to tell this to Ahimaaz who did not understand that the news of David's "victory" was not good news at all.

Instead of rejoicing in "victory", David mourned his son's death.

It's really hard to be mad at someone that you love in your heart. Someone that is supposed to be at your side and defend you when you can't defend yourself. For me, personally, it's like a storm inside my body, the guilt comes in waves (BTW, this is NOT about my son). Some days, I'm just mad and it's OK, I mean I have every right to be mad. The more I know about my past, the more frustrated I get. Then I think I can't be mad at this person, it's just not allowed! I must be an awful person to feel this way.

Lord, just give me the strength to trust you with this. I want to know your infinite mercy and be assured that everything that happens in my life is for your purpose and is by design. It's hard to understand (sometimes impossible), so I'm just going to hold your hand and follow you through this...OK?

The "B-word"

It's just a word, but it's much more. For some it's statement of faith, for others it's a line in the sand, still others see it as a choice, some just scratch their head and don't get it and for the rest of us it's a necessary part of the plan of salvation. It's one of those explosive words that can bring instant harmony or certain distress into any conversation. It has divided families and Churches, been the undoing of thousands of trees for the paper used to print the millions of books on the subject.

Baptism.

At this point in many of my thoughts I would say..."for me...", but not on this one. I just don't get it. It's as plain as the nose on my face (and trust me, you can't miss mine). Baptism is essential to salvation. God, through his holy, inspired word, has made this clear. We can debate things like instrumental/Acapella music, or preaching styles or missionaries all day long because there is some room in many aspects of Christianity for interpretation. However, baptism is a straight-forward, salvation issue. God commands it, he shows us time and again examples of those being saved when they are baptized...so...what's the big deal?

In my humble opinion, I think part of it is simple laziness. Why bother getting all wet and putting yourself out there for everyone to see, when you can call yourself a Christian just be uttering a few words? When you do that, it's more like a new year's resolution..."I'm going to be a better person, I'm going to be Christian", then when you fall short you can just forget it all happened and be done with it and go about the life you had before all this. Christ knows we are going to fall short and disappoint him, but we are saved by his blood, his sacrifice, his pain...he died for us, can't we just do a simple act that he asks of us? When you give yourself to Christ and are baptized you die to the sin and pain of your old self and come up out of the water a new person, cleansed by the blood that Christ bled on the cross FOR YOU.

Every "serious" person of Christ that I have every met has been baptized even if they didn't think it was essential to salvation.

Maybe that's why the muslim faith is growing so much, there's no such thing as baptism in it. you can be a muslim just be uttering a few words. Yes, to be a "super-muslim" you have to visit Mecca, but how many of the 1.2 billion muslims have actually done that?

Just something I was thinking about. Yes, a little venting.

Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. Mark 16:16

When the people heard this, they were cut to the heart and said to Peter and the other apostles, "Brothers, what shall we do?" Peter replied, "Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call." Acts 2:37-39

You are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. Galatians 3:26,27

"Break My Fall"

God is so mysterious, he loves us so much and he helps us in so many ways (often we don't even know he has!).

He nudges us when we need to take a step in a the right direction.
He sends people into our lives to affect us or just plain save us.
Other times he just literally reaches down and picks us up.
Often he moves "immovable objects" out of our way.
He inspires us to be our best and forgives us when we let him down.
There are times when I know he just lifts me up and carries me because I can't make it.

I am a screw up. I know that. I am going to mess up, over and over again. God opens doors and I pause in the entryway, gripped by fear. He forgives me over and over again...why...I don't know. He carries me in his loving arms through tough times and blesses me more than I can imagine and much, much more than I deserve.

Then there are other times when I just pray "Lord, break my fall". I know I am going to fall, just like we know that our children are going to fall off their bike and skin their knees. Sometimes I'm afraid that my fall is imminent and unavoidable and all I ask is that God will break my fall.