Thursday, February 08, 2007

The (bottom of) Hole

For most of my adult life (not all of it) I have felt as though I've been on a mission to get out of the hole that I am in.

Most times, I am crawling up the side of the pit, getting mud in my fingernails as a try to reach the top of the hole. Other times, my strength weakens and I just can't keep up and I slide down some.

There have been a few times that I have reached the top of the pit and been able to look, briefly, back into it and even glimpse at the view of the grassy field outside of the pit. Each time this has happened, I have taken a wrong step and found myself back in the pit. Then, as I struggle to get back out, it just makes things worse and I fall deeper.

Lately, I have come to a terrible realization...this pit has a bottom. At the bottom is a swirling drain full of muddy water. It's a vortex that sucks all the stuff that falls to the bottom of the pit into...well I don't know where...I can't possibly think about where it goes.

The point is, for the first time in my life, I'm in the drain, I'm swirling around in this muddy water and I keep reaching for the sides of the wall so I can hang on to something. Occasionally, I find something to hold on to, but down here in the drain things are very fragile due to stress and struggle.

I hope that someone throws me a life preserver soon, I'm not sure I can keep paddling much longer.

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"...Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:7-18