Monday, December 04, 2006

"Pin me down, show me how"

"Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint;
O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.
My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long?
Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love. "

Psalms 6:2-4

It's comforting to know that someone as mighty as King David felt like I do now. Sometimes I just want to know what God has planned for me..."my soul is in anguish. how long, O Lord, how long?". I lose patience and I yell at the sky "what do you want from me?!, stop dropping barriers in front of me!!" Later, when I step back and think about it, I wonder if God is more concerned with teaching me patience than I want him to be. Maybe I'm really going to need to have patience down the road. Maybe I really need it now.

Maybe he is teaching me humility. He knows my deepest thoughts, even before I think them, he understands how I am going to react to what is happening around me. I find myself literally battling my own thoughts, I give them up to the Lord, I ask him to take the selfish thoughts away because I can't do it alone. It just wears me out.

Is there some way to work through my thoughts in a positive and uplifting way? Can I turn what is happening around me into something good? Only if I let go and give God the reigns of my heart. The process of handing those riegns over saps me of my energy, the battle within me is big. I don't want my emotions to control my life anymore! Yet my emotions are part of who I am...

Its' all very confusing.

Here are the words from another "David" (Grohl).

A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how
"Resolve", Foo Fighters

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"...Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit." 2 Corinthians 3:7-18