"Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint;
O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony.
My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long?
Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love. "
It's comforting to know that someone as mighty as King David felt like I do now. Sometimes I just want to know what God has planned for me..."my soul is in anguish. how long, O Lord, how long?". I lose patience and I yell at the sky "what do you want from me?!, stop dropping barriers in front of me!!" Later, when I step back and think about it, I wonder if God is more concerned with teaching me patience than I want him to be. Maybe I'm really going to need to have patience down the road. Maybe I really need it now.
Maybe he is teaching me humility. He knows my deepest thoughts, even before I think them, he understands how I am going to react to what is happening around me. I find myself literally battling my own thoughts, I give them up to the Lord, I ask him to take the selfish thoughts away because I can't do it alone. It just wears me out.
Is there some way to work through my thoughts in a positive and uplifting way? Can I turn what is happening around me into something good? Only if I let go and give God the reigns of my heart. The process of handing those riegns over saps me of my energy, the battle within me is big. I don't want my emotions to control my life anymore! Yet my emotions are part of who I am...
Its' all very confusing.
Here are the words from another "David" (Grohl).
A little bit of resolve is what I need now
Pin me down, show me how
"Resolve", Foo Fighters