I should never play poker for money

I have never played poker for money - and for good reasons. One thing, I don't like to gamble - it just seems like a waste of money - a crazy waste of money. In fact, if someone wants to gamble I'll be happy to take the money from them and put it to good use!

The other reason is that I would be the perfect example in "poker school" of what a "poker face" is NOT.

One thing for certain - I don't have a good way of hiding my emotions - short of physically hiding until they subside. Even then, the residuals are pretty easy to see as long as you are looking my way. I don't have any REAL skills at masking my emotion, especially if (this is not a complete list):

• I'm talking
• I'm passionate about something
• I'm excited about something
• I'm mad
• I'm sad
• I'm disappointed

My face, my voice, my body language all give me away - even a blind person would ask "what's up with you?". It's pathetic...and it's me.

The flip-side of all that is you pretty much know how I feel about most things. If you are a close friend, then even more so. If I like you - you know it. If I don't like you - you know it. If I like spending time with you and have things in common with you - you know it. There isn't much guess-work involved in knowing me.

TO MAKE MATTERS WORSE...

When i get excited about something, when I have great news or world changing news (my world), then I feel a real burning need to share it. I'm terrible at surprises - I love to give them, but the suspense kills me! I've only been able to pull a few off in my life.

There is just something in me that can't hold in good news, no matter how inappropriate it would be to share. For me, good news, good times, good friends, good life are all blessings that are multiplied when shared. Even more, I feel like I have let my friends down if I withhold information from them - isn't that what friends are for?...sharing our joys and sorrows?

So, if I had a Royal Flush in a poker game it would be of no use to me, because everyone would know about it before I could convince them to give me their money.

It's a good thing I'm not playing poker.

Manna From Heaven

God is good and he is good all the time.

Wikipedia calls Manna "...food miraculously produced for the Israelites in the desert in the book of Exodus."

Bryanepedia calls it "God's showering of blessing from places you never expected when you least expected it."

God is mysterious and his greatness is beyond our grasp. Face it, you're never going to completely figure Him out. That isn't to say that He is not completely approachable, loving and caring - however it's best to bow to his ultimate wisdom and let Him bless you in His own time and in His own way and stop trying to figure out why He does what He does and when He does it.

It's amazing to me how God can just blow me away when I least expect it. Everytime it happens I am overwhelmed by His love and wisdom. Last night he sent another blessing - just a simple phone call that was supposed to just be about normal business stuff turned into 2 hours of soul launching...yes my soul was launched, not lifted straight up. I was very tired, but I just didn't want it to end. My body was exhausted, but my soul was sky high...and still is.

God almost literally dropped manna from heaven in the form of a friend on the phone last night. He knows I'm in the wilderness and he provided - just like he always does.

God, you are good and you are good all the time...

WANTED

WANTED: Person of any age or ethnicity, can be male or female who loves God and wants to serve Him. The person will be flawed and need God to help them through each day. This person will enjoy talking about nothing at all or something very important and anything in between. This person will feel an urgent and burning need to share their greatest hopes, deepest sorrows, loftiest dreams, dreariest days and highest highs. He or she will not need an invitation to spend time with me or vice-versa. The person will ask for and accept help when needed and not keep track of such help. He or she will enjoy me because of who am I and not what I will be or the value I can add. This person will understand that I am human and I will make mistakes and also allow themselves to make those same mistakes. This person must be willing to make a lifetime commitment, even though time may change who we are and where we are.

WANTED - a true friend. No application necessary, just drop by - let's talk.

George of the Jungle

Do you remember "George of the Jungle"? He was a cartoon character that reminded you of a cross between Goofy and Tarzan. He lived in the jungle and swung from tree to tree. There was a really cool song that went along with it...

"George, George, George of the Jungle strong as he can be!
George, George, George of the Jungle WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE!!!"

The he would run directly into a tree and it was really funny... So funny that they made a movie about it.

The REAL tarzan could swing easily from tree to tree. Each tree would give him the support he needed to continue his momentum long enough until...at the last moment...he would grab a vine from the next tree, which would be just enough to get him to the next, and the next and so on. Floating just under the canopy of the jungle and above any perils below. The next branch, or vine, or limb would not be enough on their own to get him to his destination and to support his weight indefinitely, but it was sufficient for his needs. It kept his momentum and sent him on his way. The vine had no way of knowing where Tarzan was heading or when it would be called upon to lend it's temporary support, but it just happened.

Life is like the trees in Tarzan's (and George's) jungle. Sometimes, the people that we have contact through our day can be the vines that we grab to get through the day. It's simple, really...

• A smile here
• A hug there.
• A pat on the back.
• A handshake and a look in the eye.
• Just a look across a crowded room that says...hey, I noticed you!

That's one of the best things about Sundays for me. It's difficult (but possible) to evade the vines that swing your way, but if you just reach out your hand they come right to you. First, just one, then the next...then you start to pick up speed and the next branch is in front of you before you know it, then they just keep coming one at a time. Each person has little (or no) knowledge of the support they are providing and that they are participating in your journey, but it happens all the same. All you have to do is keep you eyes open. Then you are moving at a high rate of speed...the momentum is hard to stop on Monday...

The vines and branches are there, all you have to do is open your eyes...just "watch of for that tree!".

"Friend"

Lately, our choir has been singing a song titled "Friend of God". It's a great song with a simple, powerful message..."I am a Friend of God...He calls me Friend".

One thing that I have noticed while singing this song and watching our director mouth the words as he directs us is...it's impossible to say the word FRIEND without smiling. I don't know what the origin of the word is but it seems logical. Try it for yourself, see if you can say the word friend and frown. Trust me, it's going to take some work.

When you call someone your friend or talk about a friend it should invoke good thoughts and feelings...and...make you smile.

Moving On Redux

Believe it or not, there are a few people that read this thing (other than me), although it's certainly not common knowledge by any respect. One such person told me the other day that they didn't understand Moving On... and that someday I would have to explain it to them.

Here goes.

First of all, it's just a song and not all of it really applies, but it certainly described my feelings at the time. Also, if you have ever heard the song, it's got some attitude and that's something I need right now.

Oh you know I did it
It's over and I feel fine
Nothing you could say is gonna change my mind
Waiting and I wait at the longest night
Nothing like the taste to sweet decline

I was down, I fell, I fell so fast
Dropping like the grains in an hourglass
Never say forever cause nothing last
Dancing with the thorns of my buried past

For me, this song is about moving on and moving on involves, first...moving. Going from one place to the next...a change. If there were ever a time that someone could "change my mind", that time is closing. Not because my mind is closing, very much the opposite, because it's opening! Because I have opened my mind to new things I see things differently and I can't look at them the old way anymore. Once I watch a movie at the theater, I can't stand to watch the "TV Version" of it because I know there's something missing. Besides, why would you care now, after all this time after I waited for you to question me before? ("Nothing like the taste to sweet decline"). Where did my "friends" go?

Yes, I fell and fast, but now God has picked me back up and instead of avoiding the past I am looking it over and realizing it was just part of the journey ("dancing with the thorns of my buried past").

Nevermind there's nothing I can do
Bet your life there's something killing you...

...Take a good hard look for the very last time
The very last one in a very long line
Only took a second to say goodbye
Then the pleasure 'bout the pleasure's
been mine, all mine

OK, this is a dig. But, I feel like I deserve to give out just one very subtle parting shot. This is after getting a call from someone from my past wanting to clear their conscience so they can feel better about themselves ("Bet your life there's something killing you"). No concern about how me and my family are doing, just concern for personal demons. The pleasure is mine and I love where God has guided me, I pray that I will always follow him...he has never let me down.

OK, there it is. Yes, it was a"moment of angst", what can I say?